Friday, July 25, 2014

Captain Obvious!

Lately I've had major epiphanies that most people just kind of know. For one thing, I kept noticing that my head would be hot while I was outside and even while wearing sunglasses, I would still squint a lot. What could I use to fix this? Maybe something on my head? Hmmmm. . . .

I know! A hat! The worst part is how I want to tell everyone about my genius solution. Next I'll be telling about my invention for hot, sore feet while walking outside.

My other epiphany is: Sugar is bad! Crazy, right?

I kept having these weird symptoms. Generally feeling crappy, exhausted, bloated, dizzy, moody and usually in a not so pleasant way. I continuously bothered Laurie to figure out what was wrong with me and she kept saying she thought it was too much sugar and processed food. I was sure she was wrong but I gave it a go and good Lord. I cut out most sugar. I still have fruit and yogurt in my smoothie but nothing too sugary and it made a huge difference. Immediately.

My mood vastly improved (I'm sure the kids were thrilled). I was no longer sleepy or dizzy or bloated. I could see a difference in my stomach (less bloated) within a couple of days. It's been amazing.

And yet, it is almost always a struggle. Ugh! You would think feeling so much better, looking so much better, acting so much better would be an easy choice to make but no. . .

So far, I've done fairly well. Every time I cheat, I feel like crap. I mean seriously I fell asleep on the couch with all 3 kids running around.

Sugar is bad. Hats are helpful. The end.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Wrap-up February 2014

What was the best thing that happened this month?

 Hmmm. . . the dating thing has been much better. I'm seeing someone and I'm happy with where things are. I added cleaning to my resolutions and I've been doing pretty good with that. I dropped off on the exercise but I've still been exercising a lot and doing better than maybe ever before.

What was the worst thing that happened this month?

 Still totally sucking on doing PBH.

What do you wish you'd done better?

 PBH. Stayed more on routine. I checked out and watched way too much Olympics. I love them but moderation is my friend.

What are your goals for next month?

 Stick to a daily routine. Make sure I'm exercising and eating well. PBH!!!

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Wrap-up--January 2014

What was the best thing that happened this month?
  • I kicked ass on my health goals. I ate really well and exercised almost every day. And I've felt great doing it. Woo hoo!
  • I've also done a great job of not freaking out when I've messed up.
What was the worst thing that happened this month?
  • I got pseudo-sick. Never really horribly, in bed sick; just this lingering tired, grumpy, icky thing. It's lasted over a week and been quite lame.
What do you wish you'd done better?
  • I did a subpar job of dating stuff and PBH stuff. I hate dating so much and I really blew that off a lot. But towards the end of the month, I turned that around. 
  • The PBH stuff, I just wasn't too consistent about. I've done it more this month than ever in the past. And I have been working on improving things (the environment, materials, etc.)
What are your goals for next month?
  •  Do better at PBH and dating.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Lost time

Last night when I went to bed, I wasn't quite tired enough to go to sleep. I looked around until I found a stack of journals that I haven't looked at since June 2011. I thought, perfect, this will be fun to look at.

The first was letters to baby Maggie before I started her blog.

The next was absolute insanity. It was from spring of 2011. The first several pages look like an inventory (as in AA) where I write what I don't like about various people, things in my life and then my part in it. To say the least it was disturbing. I don't even remember feeling this way.

But the next part was even worse. It's probably over 100 pages of letters to God. Some are prayers written out and some are just babbling on but they all include begging God to help me, to make me better.

Honest to God, it reminded me of that scene in Seven when they find the killer's journals.

It's just so sad and scary and awful. And the thing is, I don't remember writing any of it. Not the inventory and not the letters.

2011 is kind of a blank spot for me. Anything happening in the world was unknown to me. Did you know there was a hurricane in New York that year? Not me. I saw an episode of HIMYM about it and asked my mom. The Republican primaries? What else? Who knows? Not me.

But it's not just big things out in the world. In my own life, that time is blank. I'll see pictures from then and I don't remember the circumstances. I think it's probably a good thing. I didn't even read the letters to God; I just saw the dense writing and filled pages and caught phrases and words and put it down.

It feels like an honest to God miracle I survived that time. If it weren't for Maggie, if it weren't for my parents and my sister, would I have?

Monday, December 30, 2013

2013 Wrap Up

1. What did you do this year that you’d never done before?
2010--Been successful at staying home full-time (summer break). Taken a vacation as a family. Gone to couple's counseling. Weighed this much (YIKES!). Met R's sister. Renovated an entire huge living room.
2012--Quit a job without another one lined up. Became a nanny.
2013--Hmmm. . . I can't really think of anything. I feel like I've really turned back into me this year. But that happened when I first started taking anti-depressants in 2007 so. . .
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
2010--1. Keep a clean house between the cleaning lady coming. Seriously this shouldn't be so hard. 2. Continue working on Maggie's education. 3. Do more activities with Maggie, like crafts and classes, etc. 4. Work out 5 times a week; 3 strength and 2 HIIT. 5. Lose weight. 6. Spend lots of time with friends.
2012--I didn't make any last year but I think I will this year. I really want to get better about not procrastinating. I want to exercise. I want to be more present with Maggie more often.
2013--I didn't really keep track at all but I would say I did alright with these. I definitely have been better about getting shit done and I have been mostly exercising this year. And I've been better with Maggie for sure.

This year I do plan on having resolutions and attempting to keep up with them. So far they are for eating better and exercising regularly. I also would really like to put more, consistent effort into finding a partner. And start project based homeschooling without being afraid it's too hard or I'm doing it wrong.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
2010--Laurie gave birth to beautiful Ella Isabel
2012--Sort of, Jake was born this year. Even though I didn't know him (or Kandice) until he was 6 weeks old, I'm very close with them now.
2013--Not really. My best friend from high school and my early 20s had her first baby.
4. Did anyone close to you die? 
2010--My GG
2012--No
2013--No
5. What countries did you visit? 
2010--None.
2012--Ha, ha, ha.
2013--:(
6. What would you like to have this year that you lacked last year?
2010--More willingness to do the boring stuff with Maggie. A commitment from R.
2012--A husband, a home of my own.
2013--:( This year I would say exactly the same thing as last year and add more kids and specify a home/farm of my own that I own.
7. What dates from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 
2010--Maggie's birthday, mine and R's anniversary
2012--Maggie meeting Santa Claus (Kandice's friend, Jim, in an amazing costume). Christmas Eve was awesome. When Laurie called and told me she thought my Mirena was causing my horrid depression and then looking it up online. It was like being hit with a brick. Successfully performing the Heimlich on one of my students. 
2013--It's actually been a great year, especially on the being a mom front. I've had so much fun with Maggie this year and we've done so many fun things. Also, unfortunately, finding out my stepmom of almost 20 years is having an affair and will soon be leaving the state and probably our lives for good.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
2010--I've kept my daughter not only alive but doing great. She's learning a lot, she's polite and pretty good. I've done a lot of work on my home and I'm pretty proud of it. I've been extremely successful at work.
2012--Waking up from the Mirena haze. I'm not sure if it's an achievement but it's been amazing to find me again.
2013--Being a mom. I'm not perfect but I feel like I've done a decent job.
9. What was your biggest failure? 
2010--Gaining weight (a lot of weight). That's about it.
2012--Staying so long in a miserable work situation. Even worse, spending so little time with Maggie so I could work more.
2013--I'm not sure. I'm kinda sad that so many things are not different this year from last year. But I'm not sure that's a failure on my part or not.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? 
2010--Stress fracture in my foot and hurt neck from car wreck.
2012-- I got my gallbladder out.
2013-- I got this horrid stomach bug in the summer. I had plantar something or other (a heel issue) from working out barefoot.
11. What was the best thing you bought? 
2010--Our vacations.
2012--Um, I had to pay to get the Mirena out.
2013--My place. Spending on activities for/with Maggie.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? 
2012--I thought Chris Christie giving such credit to Obama and being so willing to work with him during Sandy was great to see.
2013--Edward Snowden; he sacrificed his entire life to tell the truth.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? 
2012--Republicans. From the war on women to the NRA to the "entitlement" programs, jeez.
2013--Everyone. Jesus, it's been a depressing year. Egypt, Syria, Obama, Republicans, Tea Partiers.
14. Where did most of your money go?
2010--Mortgage, bills, travel, debt.
2012--Debt. :(
2013-- Debt.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? 
2010--Laurie's pregnancy and birth. Vacations. R getting in and succeeding in law school.
2012--Morning coffee. Losing weight.
2013-- Christmas
16. What song will always remind you of this year?
2010--No clue. I listen to the same old music so nothing really.
2012--F*ck you by CeeLo
2013-- Thriftshop
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
2010--
a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter
c) richer or poorer?About the same
2012--
a) happier or sadder?
so much happier :)
b) thinner or fatter? much, much thinner
c) richer or poorer? a lot poorer
2013--
a) happier or sadder? I would say happier. I feel so comfortable with myself. Getting older has some amazing benefits.
b) thinner or fatter? A bit fatter. It's funny; once I got to my goal weight last year, I put away my scale and stopped weighing myself. When it started getting cold, I tried to put on my skinny jeans and they wouldn't fit. I kept thinking did they shrink, what's the deal? It took me a while to figure out I'd gained weight. Whoops!
c) richer or poorer? poorer :(
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
2010-- Spent time with Maggie, doing what she wanted to do.
2012--spend time with Maggie without checking email or my phone, just really being with her
2013-- project based homeschooling
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? 
2010-- Eating. Sitting around.
2012--procrastinate; d!ck around on the internet
2013-- Zoning out on the internet
20. How did you spend Christmas? 
2010--X-Mas Eve I was sick at home with stomach issues but I rallied at hosted Xmas day here at our house.
2012--We had our big Christmas Eve dinner at Aunt Susie's house, then spent the night at Laurie's house. We set up presents, then watched Bad Santa. The girls got up early and opened presents. It was wonderful.
2013-- We had an amazing Christmas. I made a bucket list and got everything done. We did a carriage ride, sugar cookies, festival, Nutcracker, Polar Express, visiting Santa, and driving around looking at Christmas lights while drinking hot chocolate.
21. Did you fall in love this year? 
2012--No. :(
2013-- Nope.
22. What was your favorite TV program/podcasts? 
2010--Lost, The Office, 30 Rock
2012--Um, I watched all of How I Met Your Mother. Very cute.
2013-- Rachel Maddow, Jon Stewart and Colbert, Dexter, Parks and Rec; Adam Carolla, Stuff You Missed in History Class, This American Life
24. What was the best book you read? 
2010--Twilight series
2012--I can't think of anything. That's sad. I've read so much non fiction this year. Homeschooling, parenting, etc.
2013-- I liked Gone Girl and The Baker's Wife; In Defense of Food, Raising your Spirited Child
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? 
2010--I listen to the same music that I have for years and years.
2012-- I don't listen to new music.
2013-- Macklemore
26. What did you want and get? 
2012--To be, essentially, a stay at home mom.
2013-- My own place
27. What did you want and not get?
2012--A husband, a home of my own.
2013-- A husband, a home/farm I own, more kids, out of debt
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
2010--The Dark Knight and The Wackness
2012--Inception, Dark Knight Rises
2013-- The Town, 21 Jump Street
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 
2010--28. I had lunch with family.
2012--30. I had dinner and drinks with Laurie, Jeff, Rachel and David in downtown Fort Worth.
2013-- 31. Laurie had a big party for me and all the other summer birthdays. It was great. I rode on a motorcycle for the first time.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
2010--Committment or clarity in our relationship. Or maybe a job I didn't hate.
2012--A partner, a home of my own
2013-- A husband, a home/farm I own, more kids, out of debt
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? 
2010--Nothing dirty or too wrinkled.
2012--Well, lately, it's been skinny jeans and boots. I love that look.
2013-- Keeping all my bits covered.
32. What kept you sane? 
2010--Exercise and Maggie.
2012--Maggie. I think I would have died had I not had Maggie to live for during the Mirena years.
2013-- Knitting, reading, podcasts.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? 
2012--The guy in Inception and Robin in Dark Knight Rises. Joseph something. I wanna marry him.
2013-- Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Ryan Gosling.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? 
2012--All of them.
2013-- Global warming; DOMA getting struck down; Snowden/NSA crap
35. Who did you miss? 
2012--My GG. It still hurts.
2013-- Maureen
36. Who was the best new person you met? 
2012--Jake and Kandice.
2013-- Daniel
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year.
2010--Memories have to be made but they are worth the effort.
2012--I don't know. I want to have a lesson about the Mirena but I'm not sure what it should be. I feel like no one was properly informed so I'm not sure what I could have done. Don't waste time; when it's gone, it's gone.
2013-- Be willing to let go of how things "have" to be. Sometimes the thing that makes change the hardest is your own inability to see it will be ok.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Story: Sally and Thomas

So this one isn't really a memory. It's an amazing story. Sally is Laurie's mother-in-law. I've known her for years and years and we are all basically family. Thomas is her younger son.

Sally struggled with infertility for years. Eventually she and her husband, Bruce, decided to adopt. Right before their adoption was complete, they found out they were pregnant. Their miracle baby, Jeff.

About 5 years later, they were pregnant again. Around 5 months in to the pregnancy, Sally went to the doctor with bleeding and found out she had had a miscarriage. The doctor offered to do a D and C but Sally declined.

After several weeks, Sally felt like she was still pregnant. She went back to the doctor and sure enough. It turned out Thomas had a twin who died but he was still alive. Of course, if she'd had the D and C it would have killed Thomas.

Then after Thomas was born, Sally found a name book and looked up Thomas to see what it meant. It means twin.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Memory: Laurie giving birth

I've been thinking of a few stories, occasions, etc that I really do want to remember forever. Anyway, I realized I didn't have them written down anywhere so here seemed like a good idea.

So. . .

When Laurie was pregnant, she and Jeff took a birthing class. For Jeff's part, he was supposed to be calm and reassuring, non stop, while she labored. He was supposed to not be offended if she was mean to him but continue reassuring her.

Laurie labored fast and furious (and naturally). And the whole time Jeff kept up his reassurances in a calm, quiet, even voice. But, as we all know, when you are in pain, you say all kinds of things.

At one point, Laurie turned to Jeff and said, "Would you please just shut the fuck up? Please!" And Jeff just said, "That's it, get it out. You're doing so good."

Seriously, I do not feel I have done it justice but it was so freaking funny.