Sunday, August 23, 2009

Back to School

Missed me?

I started back to work. And I’m very conflicted about it. On the one hand I have to admit that I am loving having a set schedule. I have been getting up at 5am and I love it. How crazy is that?

I love getting up early. I’ve been getting so much more done. It’s amazing. I feel like I’ve been more productive this week than the entire summer. Ok so I’m exaggerating but not by much. It’s been great. For me.

For Maggie? Not so much. She hates it. She has twice cried when I handed her over to my Mom. It’s awful. She goes over to my Mom but then turns back to me and cries and reaches for me.

And she’s having trouble sleeping. She doesn’t like sleeping anywhere but in her crib at our house. Plus she doesn’t like getting up early which, of course, we have to get up early. So the combination of her having to get up early, making her extra tired, and not being able to sleep so great at my Mom’s house means she wants to sleep as soon as we get home. But she wants to sleep for a long time and then she gets up at odd times. It’s all and all bad.

The main problem for me is that she wants to sleep here. Which means the only time I’m with her she’s usually wanting to sleep. And that sucks. I’m afraid she’s going to think my Mom is her Mom. I know that’s selfish. I should just be happy that Maggie is taken care of by people she loves and that love her. And I am but still. . .

It sucks. It really sucks. I just hate that I’m losing all this time with her. I hate that this time, this important time of her life, can never be gotten back. And we’re missing it. We’re losing so much time together. I know that there are tons of mommies who do the same thing (and much, much worse) but it’s really hard.

The worst part is that she doesn’t understand. At all. There is no way of explaining the situation to her. How can I get it across to her that I have to leave her for nine hours (at least) a day so I can go spend time with other people’s kids. The way she looks at me is heartbreaking. She looks like I’ve just slapped her.

Does anybody have any advice about this? A ritual or something I can say? Anything?

1 comment:

Liz said...

Hi there Carrie...When I went back the first time after maternity, I felt all the things you did, and it was also my Mom who took care of my son. I tried to focus (and still do now with my other little one)on the fact that being a working mom made me a BETTER mom. That is just for ME. I am NOT saying it is better to work for everyone; but it is for me. I feel normal and productive. I worried too about the baby loving my mom more. Guess what? They don't. They will always love Mom and Dad the most. Take some time to get into a routine so the sleeping is not such an issue. After a few weeks it will be better. And then the minute you get home dedicate some uninterrupted time to Maya. No multitasking. Just you and her. I promise you; you will get into a routine, you will spend quality time with her, and it will all work out! The beginning is the most shocking part. For everyone! Hang in there! P.S. I have 50 students b/c I have two rotating classes of 25 each. 4th grade reading in South Florida.Thanks for stopping by my blog!