Sunday, August 23, 2009

Fixing my Hooha

Vaginal stretching. It doesn’t sound that bad, does it? Nah. I mean stretching is what you do after a workout. It’s the good part. The easy part. Ha!

Don’t be fooled, my friends. It’s evil and quite painful. The word horrific comes to mind.

I went to my hooha physical therapist last week and she told me that we had pretty much come as far as we could with the easy stuff. I’ve been doing my Kegel’s and pelvic area stretches (not at all the same) and deep, relaxing breathing. But there’s still pain.

She asked me to describe the pain. It’s actually quite easy for me to describe. It hurts on the bottom of my hooha at the entryway (ha!). Oh and it feels like I’m being stabbed. She informed me that’s almost certainly scar tissue that will need to be broken up. With vaginal stretching and massaging.

Massaging? Again, who doesn’t love a massage? And a vaginal massage doesn’t sound so bad. *sob*

At that point my choices were to go there 3 times a week and let her do the “exercises,” try to do them to myself, OR have R come in and her teach him how to do them to me. Guess what I chose?

R, of course, was horrified. And who can blame him? I’m horrified. R told me he wasn’t mature enough to do this sort of thing (good Lord isn’t that the truth!) but I insisted. Especially because she told me that the window for breaking up the scar tissue pretty much closes at a year. Yikes!

So yesterday R and I had the appointment.

First we sat down and Monica explained the whole thing. What the problem was and how this was going to help and what they were going to do. Then she left so I could strip and get on the bed.

When she came back in she did a quick exam to see how things felt (looked?) now. Then she started doing the stretching*. Oh my God. I cannot even. . . awful. . . painful. . . burning. . . tearing. In fact it felt an awful lot like giving birth.

R was great. He did it and he didn’t panic and he promises he’ll do it with me everyday.

Oh I’m so scared. She told us we’ll have to do this for weeks to months. That’s a long time of doing this. It’s amazing that something that takes 5 minutes can be so awful. Just thinking about it makes my stomach hurt. Which is bad. I’m supposed to be as relaxed as possible while he does it so that I’m not fighting him. Great, sure no problem. You beat up my hooha while I do my deep breathing. Yessiree Bob!

*I didn’t give the details of the “exercises” because I didn’t figure anyone would want to read that but if you do, just email me. Assuming you’re a woman interested because of similar issues or just curiosity and not a creepy guy.

1 comment:

Minky said...


You know I had to click on this one right? Uh, I sure hope things are *ahem* better down there now? Cause YIKES!