Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Dear Hairy-Backed Neighbor Guy,

I realize that at 6:45 am most people are either not awake or haven’t yet left their homes. But I have. And the old lady who goes on walks wearing a visor despite the fact that the sun hasn’t risen, she’s up too.

So why then you think it’s acceptable to walk around in your front yard shirtless? I will admit that it took me a minute to realize you were shirtless, seeing how your back is grotesquely hairy. (have you ever heard of manscaping? seriously, waxing, shaving, laser. just look into it.)

No one (especially me) wants to see that first thing in the morning (well, really ever but definitely not first thing in the freaking morning). I mean come on. I see that you are smoking and I’m guessing your wife makes you smoke outside. I get that. But if you aren’t going to wear a shirt, you need to take that shit to the backyard.

Your neighbor (who hopes to never to see you shirtless again),


No comments: