Wednesday, June 9, 2010

June 9, 2010

Gretchen Rubin (The Happiness Project) talks about having a good bad day. Essentially it's a bad day but you still get stuff done, you don't go crazy and yell at people, etc. Today was a good bad day. I got a lot of stuff done. Not everything but a lot. I exercised. I ran errands. I cleaned. I organized. I didn't yell at anyone or anything else that I feel guilty about. She's right it's much better this way.

I had never thought of doing things this way. I have always kind of thought, if you are having a bad day you deserve a break. Slack off, eat whatever, don't work out, don't do anything, or talk to anyone. So on and so forth. But then I end up feeling lazy, unproductive, out of control, antisocial, fat, etc. Not so great feelings. And when you are already having a bad day, why add more badness?

I'm not going to write about why I'm having a bad day. Why think about it or preserve it for years to come? Better to remember the good stuff, than the trivial B.S.

Best part of my day: I got to talk to Elaine a lot today. Elaine is probably my favorite person to talk to. I always get her and know what she means and she always gets me and knows what I mean. It's one of those effortless relationships that are so rewarding. Hopefully her being laid off means we'll get to spend a lot of time together this summer. Fingers crossed.

I'm really glad that I can look back over my day and know that I got stuff done, that I didn't binge on a pint of ice cream or scream at my ultra-whiny baby. It feels really good to think, well it wasn't the best day but I cleaned, I ran a few errands, I marked some things off my to do list, I exercised and I cleaned the litterbox.

Gratitude: After my GG died in January, the family got together to start cleaning out her house. My Mom wanted us to take a ton of stuff but most of us declined. We did all take some things. I filled a little tote bag with some letters, a book, some pictures, two purses, a ring for Maggie and a jacket. I brought the tote bag home and I haven't really touched it. I just haven't wanted to look at the things, you know. Today I decided to go through it. I pulled out the jacket and went to hang it up. On impulse I put it up to my nose and inhaled. And it was like she was right there. I didn't even know GG had a smell but there it was. Like sweet baby powder. After I cried, I kept thinking how can preserve this so the smell won't go away. But it will. No matter what I do, it will go away and there will be no way to get it back.

GG was a tough lady. She took no bullshit and was hard to deal with sometimes. But I really loved her. She would sit in her blue chair or on her little love seat sometimes and I would sit on the couch and she would tell me stories. Stories about everything. My childhood, her childhood, my mother's childhood. Her first marriage to my grandfather, my parent's marriage, my Mom's current husband, everything. And I loved it. I loved hearing all her stories. She always made me sandwiches. Tuna, pimento cheese, chicken salad (when I used to eat meat). She had these funny little spreaders for that. Like knives with no blade, just to scoop and spread. And these coaster with a little sidecar for pills or your spoon.

I just miss her. I'll remember she's gone and try to bargain it away. Like that's not possible because x, y and z. But it is true. I just really wish it wasn't.

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