Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Something new

Have you read Women, Food and God? It's really good and I'm trying it out.

I have this deep dark fear that I'm going to spend my life trying to lose the same 10 to *some really high number* pounds. Like it'll never be enough, I'll never keep it off, etc. That is quite scary to me. I don't want to spend my life thinking about weight and calories and carbs and this and that. I just want to eat and work out and be healthy without all the drama. When I hear about women in their 40s, 50s and beyond talking about trying to lose weight, it terrifies me. I always thought I was dieting to be done with it. Not so I could go back to eating fried cheese and pints of Ben and Jerry's but just be free from the obsession of all things weight related.

I heard about the book first through Oprah magazine, then Charlotte of Great Fitness Experiment did it. Both talk of that freedom from obsession. Of being able to eat and enjoy food without obsessing. Without eventually binging. Freedom sounds pretty freaking great.

The author, Geneen Roth, talks about dieting as a distraction. A distraction from whatever. From life, basically. I'm busy dieting but as soon as I'm done I'll change careers or find a partner or be a better mother. Only you're never done dieting. It never stops so you never have to fail at life or take risks or whatever you're avoiding.

So at first it seemed really easy and I was quite excited but I guess crazy runs deep cos it's gotten much harder.

First the eating guidelines. You are supposed to:

1. Eat when hungry.
2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment (cars don't count).
3. Eat without distractions (YIKES!!!).
4. Eat what your body wants.
5. Eat until you are satisfied.
6. Eat with pleasure and gusto.
7. Eat with the intention of being in full view of others.

These seem so simple. Maggie already does all of these without even thinking about it. Or knowing about it. Me? Holy crap. They are so hard, I decided to do one at a time for a week each. And just keep trying until I get it.

So I am on number 1. Eat when hungry. This one is getting easier. I've been doing it since Sunday, I guess. I do obsess sometimes, wondering when the hell I'm going to be hungry again. But mostly it is getting easier. It's funny to be paying so much attention to my body. I've ignored or hated it for so long.

That's what I'm doing. I'm trying not to worry too much about the other rules or even what I eat at this point. Although, I will say, old habits die hard. I am still obsessed with what I eat and how I eat it and I am trying to implement all the rules.

We'll see how it goes but oh, I want to be normal around food. And hating and shaming and bullying myself is unlikely to ever have a positive affect so let's give this a go.

Wish me luck!

No comments: