Thursday, October 7, 2010

Fragment

Every morning I feel like I'm leaving a part of myself at my Mom's house. I miss my daughter so badly during the day.

I know I've written about this a thousand times but every time I think of how much time I'm missing with her, it hurts all over again.

I know that I'm lucky. I am able to leave my baby with my Mom. I have weekends and holidays and summers with her. I have an end in sight in which I will be able to be home full-time.

I know she's happy.

I know she's well cared for.

But I also know it's not right for a mother to be separated from her child.

I know I miss her.

I'm afraid she'll be sad someday when she talks about how I wasn't with her full-time when she was a baby.

I'm afraid she'll think of my mom as her mom.

I'm afraid she won't love me the most.

God being a mother is hard. And I am so unbelievably bad at it. I just hope she knows how much I love her and how much I want to be better for her.

1 comment:

Charlotte said...

Oh honey. I have no words. Just ((hugs)).