Friday, October 8, 2010

Intuitive Eating Experiment

Day 1 (of keeping track): Yesterday was awesome. Aside from some major successes that I wrote about here, I learned some other things as well.

First I am feeling very confident about this. The fear is leaving and I feel like even if I didn't lose weight I would be ok with that because of how great I feel. My attitude toward food is so different. It's only been a week, maybe less and I feel so different. I can think about what I want to eat with no problem and I just decide. I'm not eating very healthy right now but hopefully that will eventually change.

I am still scared. Gaining weight is scary but I know it's part of the process. For the first time, maybe ever, I don't feel like food is an enemy. I just feel like it's food. I thought when I allowed myself to eat anything I would fast food and junk for months but already I'm eating better. Last night I wanted soup and bread. That's all. Maybe that doesn't sound so amazing. But for me whenever I've ever told myself I can eat whatever I want, I always choose the worst thing I can find. To choose something normal is crazy for me.

I also had a bit of a discovery. One of the things in the book they talk about is eating whatever you want. And if you want one thing and try to eat something different, you won't be satisfied. Last night I came home and wanted more soup and bread. But I didn't want to bother with making it so I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then ice cream and then more peanut butter and I still wasn't satisfied. I'll bet money if I had just taken the few minutes to prepare the soup I would have felt much better. At least I know now.

Day 2: Not as good today. I ate a big breakfast at about 9am so I shouldn't have been hungry for a while. But by noon I was desperate to eat again. Let me clarify, not hungry I just wanted to eat. I tried to figure out what was wrong, I chewed gum. But I wanted to eat. Finally I gave in and ate an early lunch. Not sure what to think of that. Maybe I was still wanting the soup and bread from last night. I just don't know. We'll see how the rest of the day goes. Wish me luck.

Well the day hasn't gotten any better. I'm wondering if this is a reaction to having such a good day yesterday. I can't really think of anything else. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Day 3: Much better day. I'm still really scared about this whole thing. What if I never stop eating? What if I keep wanting to eat nasty foods instead of turning to real, healthy food? How can I ever lose weight doing this?

I'm not asking for much. I don't want to be at a ridiculous weight just a good weight for my body. But how will eating like this get me there? I feel like everyone I read about it tends to me more on the anorexic side of things and I'm more on the bulimic side of things. Does that make sense? Maybe anorexics can be more successful than us. I don't know. I'm just scared. But I'm trying really hard to trust.

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