Thursday, January 14, 2016

January Wrap-up

What was the best thing that happened this month?
I rocked my goals most of this month. I was on point and very productive. Spending time with my girls, with Laurie, and with Maureen. 

What was the worst thing that happened this month?
We were still getting sick off and on the first half of the month! Crazy. I got horribly off track when Maureen visited. I'm not even sure why. I'm so scared of being depressed getting off track is horrid. It feels like there's no way of knowing if it's just a blip or the start of something big. 

What do you wish you'd done better?
Not gotten off track. I can't even say if I handled it well. I would rather it just not have happened. 

What are your goals for next month?
Stay the course. Cement my plans for going back to work. 

Did you go on any vacations?

Did you spend time with friends/family?
Lynette, Laurie, Lauren, Maureen, Kandice and Jeremiah. I've gotten to spend so much time with Laurie, in person, on the phone, and text. It's been wonderful. 

Any illnesses or injuries?
Yes, the mystery, never-ending stomach bug. 

What did you listen to/watch/read?
Marc Maron (I love this podcast); Taylor Swift Shake it Off; Teach Your Own; All the Stars in Heaven; I am Malala; A God in Ruins; Star Wars (amazing, wonderful, sad), blind side, gift of failure, summer

What progress have you made on your daily/weekly goals?
I have been doing great on them. I'm meeting my goals pretty much every day. Woo hoo!

What progress have you made on your ongoing, big goals?
Started back to school 

What was the best thing that happened in the world?
Obama used executive action to get more people to have to have a background check before they can buy guns. Trump lost the Iowa caucuses. 

What was the worst thing happening in the world?
Flint being poisoned by their water. Cruz won the Iowa caucuses. 

Friday, January 1, 2016

2015 Wrap Up

1. What did you do this year that you’d never done before?
2010--Been successful at staying home full-time (summer break). Taken a vacation as a family. Gone to couple's counseling. Weighed this much (YIKES!). Met R's sister. Renovated an entire huge living room.
2012--Quit a job without another one lined up. Became a nanny.
2013--Hmmm. . . I can't really think of anything. I feel like I've really turned back into me this year. But that happened when I first started taking anti-depressants in 2007 so. . .
2014--Quit sugar. Kept track of my new year's resolutions all year. Got a concussion. Started doing home studies.
2015--Had a second baby. Had a baby with absolutely no pain medication! Started graduate school. Ended my relationship with my mother.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
2010--1. Keep a clean house between the cleaning lady coming. Seriously this shouldn't be so hard. 2. Continue working on Maggie's education. 3. Do more activities with Maggie, like crafts and classes, etc. 4. Work out 5 times a week; 3 strength and 2 HIIT. 5. Lose weight. 6. Spend lots of time with friends.
2012--I didn't make any last year but I think I will this year. I really want to get better about not procrastinating. I want to exercise. I want to be more present with Maggie more often.
2013--I didn't really keep track at all but I would say I did alright with these. I definitely have been better about getting shit done and I have been mostly exercising this year. And I've been better with Maggie for sure. This year I do plan on having resolutions and attempting to keep up with them. So far they are for eating better and exercising regularly. I also would really like to put more, consistent effort into finding a partner. And start project based homeschooling without being afraid it's too hard or I'm doing it wrong.
2014-- Mostly yes. Not perfectly at all but I've kept track all year and done better for doing so. As for 2015, probably I'll keep it the same, making sure I'm regularly cleaning, eating right, taking care of myself, and taking care of Maggie. For Maggie, I want to make sure I'm spending plenty of time being fully present with her, encouraging her creativity, and giving her chances to unload her stress and anxiety. I also have big goals for 2015 like buying a house, making a significant dent in my debt, at least starting the process to adopt, and taking Maggie on a vacation. I also want to be more intentional about my time. I'm spending too much time checked out. I'm not sure yet what that will look like but it needs to be done.
2015--Um sort of. Mostly everything changed when I found out I was pregnant and then decided to get my master's degree. For 2016, I want to improve Maggie's eating and add some things to our schooling. I also want to schedule some fun with a weekly Game Night and Movie Night. I want to graduate and get my BCBA. I want to get a house in Mansfield.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
2010--Laurie gave birth to beautiful Ella Isabel
2012--Sort of, Jake was born this year. Even though I didn't know him (or Kandice) until he was 6 weeks old, I'm very close with them now.
2013--Not really. My best friend from high school and my early 20s had her first baby.
2014--Kandice had another son, Jordon, on Maggie's birthday.
2015--I did! I had my beautiful daughter, Ruby. And Laurie had Jillian!
4. Did anyone close to you die? 
2010--My GG
2014-- Aunt Carolyn. My cousin, Eric. My friend and fellow mom, Jan.
2015--No! Thank God.

5. What countries did you visit? Where did you go on vacation?
2010--None. Maine.
2012--Ha, ha, ha.
6. What would you like to have this year that you lacked last year?
2010--More willingness to do the boring stuff with Maggie. A committment from R.
2012--A husband, a home of my own.
2013--:( This year I would say exactly the same thing as last year and add more kids and specify a home/farm of my own that I own.
2014-- A home that I own, more kids. To be debt-free.
2015--My BCBA. A house near Laurie.
7. What dates from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 
2010--Maggie's birthday, mine and R's anniversary
2012--Maggie meeting Santa Claus (Kandice's friend, Jim, in an amazing costume). Christmas Eve was awesome. When Laurie called and told me she thought my Mirena was causing my horrid depression and then looking it up online. It was like being hit with a brick. Successfully performing the heimlich on one of my students. 
2013--It's actually been a great year, especially on the being a mom front. I've had so much fun with Maggie this year and we've done so many fun things. Also, unfortunately, finding out my stepmom of almost 20 years is having an affair and will soon be leaving the state and probably our lives for good.
2014-- Three deaths, myriad of sexual abuse stuff coming out in our family. My dad and stepmom getting a divorce. My Dad getting married again. My Memaw needing emergency surgery. Jan's death.
2015--September 18, when Ruby was born. October 13, when Jillian was born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
2010--I've kept my daughter not only alive but doing great. She's learning a lot, she's polite and pretty good. I've done a lot of work on my home and I'm pretty proud of it. I've been extremely successful at work.
2012--Waking up from the Mirena haze. I'm not sure if it's an achievement but it's been amazing to find me again.
2013--Being a mom. I'm not perfect but I feel like I've done a decent job.
2014-- Improving my parenting skills (I hope). Sticking to routines and resolutions.
2015--Being a mom to 2 little girls. Giving birth with no pain medication at all. Taking charge of my life by getting my master's so I can be both financially independent and still a homeschooling, almost full-time mom to my girls.
9. What was your biggest failure? 
2010--Gaining weight (a lot of weight). That's about it.
2012--Staying so long in a miserable work situation. Even worse, spending so little time with Maggie so I could work more.
2013--I'm not sure. I'm kinda sad that so many things are not different this year from last year. But I'm not sure that's a failure on my part or not.
2014-- Numbing out on the interwebs; checking out of life too often.
2015--I'm not sure I can think of anything. I'm sure there's something though. . .Oh I know, burying my head in the sand and refusing to accept things AS THEY ARE and just hoping my situation would improve through someone else's actions.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? 
2010--Stress fracture in my foot and hurt neck from car wreck.
2012-- I got my gallbladder out.
2013-- I got this horrid stomach bug in the summer. I had plantar something or other (a heel issue) from working out barefoot.
2014-- Gosh, I can't think of anything. Oh wait, I got in a car wreck that messed up my neck. I got it fixed. I also had a concussion. My lower back has gone out a few times.
2015--Pregnancy was awful. I was nauseous all the time unless I ate crap (which, why???). My hips and back hurt so bad I had trouble walking. And I was super grumpy and always tired.
11. What was the best thing you bought? 
2010--Our vacations.
2012--Um, I had to pay to get the Mirena out.
2013--My place. Spending on activities for/with Maggie.
2014-- Paying off debt.
2015--My master's. Anything to do with my girls.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? 
2012--I thought Chris Christie giving such credit to Obama and being so willing to work with him during Sandy was great to see.
2013--Edward Snowden; he sacrificed his entire life to tell the truth.
2014-- I love me some Elizabeth Warren. When she told the banks, Frank-Dodd "should have broken you into pieces." Wow.
2015--Protesters. Black Lives Matter.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? 
2012--Republicans. From the war on women to the NRA to the "entitlement" programs, jeez.
2013--Everyone. Jesus, it's been a depressing year. Egypt, Syria, Obama, Republicans, Tea Partiers.
2014-- Oh goodness, the world's been on fire this year. ISIS, Russia, North Korea, Ebola, Israel/Palestine.
2015--ISIS. Terror in France and Africa and the Middle East. Republicans who claim we can't do anything about mass shootings. Police that are murdering unarmed black and brown men and boys.
14. Where did most of your money go?
2010--Mortgage, bills, travel, debt.
2012--Debt. :(
2013-- Debt.
2014-- Debt. But I believe 2015 is the year I cut seriously down on debt!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? 
2010--Laurie's pregnancy and birth. Vacations. R getting in and succeeding in law school.
2012--Morning coffee. Losing weight.
2013-- Christmas
2014-- Peaceful Parenting; Home studies; Why we get fat by Gary Taubes
2015--Ruby! Jillian! BCBA.
16. What song will always remind you of this year?
2010--No clue. I listen to the same old music so nothing really.
2012--F*ck you by CeeLo
2013-- Thriftshop
2014-- Take me to Church by Hozier
2015--Bruce Springsteen, Born in the USA (the whole album)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter
c) richer or poorer?About the same
a) happier or sadder?
so much happier :)
b) thinner or fatter? much, much thinner
c) richer or poorer? a lot poorer
a) happier or sadder? I would say happier.
b) thinner or fatter? A bit fatter. It's funny; once I got to my goal weight, I put away my scale and stopped weighing myself. When it started getting cold, I tried to put on my skinny jeans and they wouldn't fit. I kept thinking did they shrink, what's the deal? It took me a while to figure out I'd gained weight. Whoops!
c) richer or poorer? poorer :(
a) happier or sadder? Happier. I've had so many things that I've come to terms with and feel at peace about. Peace is a beautiful thing.
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner.
c) richer or poorer? Um, right this minute, poorer. But I should be doing much better by January 2015.
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? same
c) richer or poorer? about the same
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
2010-- Spent time with Maggie, doing what she wanted to do.
2012--spend time with Maggie without checking email or my phone, just really being with her
2013-- project based homeschooling
2014-- Being present.
2015--Everything. Pregnancy is rough.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? 
2010-- Eating. Sitting around.
2012--procrastinate; d!ck around on the internet
2013-- Zoning out on the internet
2014--Not being present in times I should have been present.
2015--I wish pregnancy wasn't so hard. I was super grumpy and in pain. I wish I wasn't so hard on Maggie.
20. How did you spend Christmas? 
2010--X-Mas Eve I was sick at home with stomach issues but I rallied at hosted Xmas day here at our house.
2012--We had our big Christmas Eve dinner at Aunt Susie's house, then spent the night at Laurie's house. We set up presents, then watched Bad Santa. The girls got up early and opened presents. It was wonderful.
2013-- We had an amazing Christmas. I made a bucket list and got everything done. We did a carriage ride, sugar cookies, festival, Nutcracker, Polar Express, visiting Santa, and driving around looking at Christmas lights while drinking hot chocolate.
2014-- We had another great Christmas. We did all our Christmas activities and read our Christmas books and watched our Christmas movies. We had our huge Christmas Eve dinner at Laurie's house.
2015--I love Christmas! We weren't able to do all our Christmas activities this year but it was so wonderful. We are so blessed with a big loving family. My cup runneth over.
21. Did you fall in love this year? 
2012--No. :(
2013-- Nope.
2014-- No but I'm really ok with that. I don't think I'll ever really fall in love again. I don't think I'm capable of it (falling in love requires a vulnerability I don't possess anymore, I think). But I feel completely fine with that. I feel great about raising kids alone, buying a home alone. See? Peace. :)
2015--Yes, with sweet Ruby.

22. What was your favorite TV program/podcasts? 
2010--Lost, The Office, 30 Rock
2012--Um, I watched a lot of How I Met Your Mother. Very cute.
2013-- Rachel Maddow, Jon Stewart and Colbert, Dexter, Parks and Rec; Adam Carolla, Stuff You Missed in History Class, This American Life
2014-- TRUE DETECTIVE. SERIAL. I still love Rachel, Jon, and Colbert (so long! thanks for the memories). Oohh and John Oliver.
2015--Mad Men. West Wing. House of Cards, season 1. Rachel Maddow, Bill Maher, Happier with Gretchen Rubin, So That Happened, The History Chicks, Radiolab, Wait wait don't tell me, Planet Money, Jay and Silent Bob Get Old, This American Life.

24. What was the best book you read? 
2010--Twilight series
2012--I can't think of anything. That's sad. I've read so much non fiction this year. Homeschooling, parenting, etc.
2013-- I liked Gone Girl and The Baker's Wife; In Defense of Food, Raising your Spirited Child
2014-- Peaceful Parenting, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham; Why we get fat by Gary Taubes; Sharp Objects, We are Water, Dark Places, Someone Else's Love Story.
2015--What Alice Forgot, Louise Penny's Inspector Gamache books
25. What did you want and get? 
2012--To be, essentially, a stay at home mom.
2013-- My own place
2014-- A more flexible job with better pay and still have Maggie with me most of the time. Ah, the dream!
2015--Another baby! Another niece!
26. What did you want and not get?
2012--A husband, a home of my own.
2013-- A husband, a home/farm I own, more kids, out of debt
2014-- More kids; out of debt.
2015--A home of my own. Out of debt.
27. What was your favorite film of this year?
2010--The Dark Knight and The Wackness
2012--Inception, Dark Knight Rises
2013-- The Town, 21 Jump Street
2014-- I actually don't think I've watched a single non-kid movie this year. I liked Frozen.
2015--Silver Linings Playbook. World War Z. The Way Way Back. Her.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 
2010--28. I had lunch with family.
2012--30. I had dinner and drinks with Laurie, Jeff, Rachel and David in downtown Fort Worth.
2013-- 31. Laurie had a big party for me and all the other summer birthdays. It was great. I rode on a motorcycle for the first time.
2014-- 32. We had lunch at Jeff's restaurant.
2015--33. I had lunch with my family. Maggie asked Laurie to help her get me flowers and a cake, which Laurie did. It was so sweet.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
2010--Committment or clarity in our relationship. Or maybe a job I didn't hate.
2012--A partner, a home of my own
2013-- A husband, a home/farm I own, more kids, out of debt
2014-- Being out of debt.
2015--Living closer to Laurie.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? 
2010--Nothing dirty or too wrinkled.
2012--Well, lately, it's been skinny jeans and boots. I love that look.
2013-- Keeping all my bits covered.
2014-- Trying to look decent at all times. I've been loving mini skirts and leggings with boots but I can only wear that during cool or cold months.
2015--Maternity chic.

31. What kept you sane? 
2010--Exercise and Maggie.
2012--Maggie. I think I would have died had I not had Maggie to live for during the Mirena years.
2013-- Knitting, reading, podcasts.
2014-- Probably checking out. Maggie. Laurie.
2015--Naps. Laurie.
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? 
2012--The guy in Inception and Robin in Dark Knight Rises. Joseph something. I wanna marry him.
2013-- Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Ryan Gosling.
2014-- Joseph Gordon-Levitt. First, he did an acoustic cover of Ignition by R. Kelly. Then he was in Inception. Then he released a video on feminism that was awesome. Then he was on Sesame Street. I am a big fan of him. What are the chances he's interested in a 32-year old, single mom in Texas?
2015--Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I really like him.
33. What political issue stirred you the most? 
2012--All of them.
2013-- Global warming; DOMA getting struck down; Snowden/NSA crap
2014--Income inequality, voter restrictions, and gerrymandering. Those 3 things equal Republicans owning political offices. Scary stuff.
2015--Terror attacks. The refugee crisis.
34. Who did you miss? 
2012--My GG. It still hurts.
2013-- Maureen
2014-- Cooper. My poor kitty.
2015--My mom, I guess.
35. Who was the best new person you met? 
2012--Jake and Kandice.
2013-- Daniel
2014-- I can't think of anyone I've met. Chris came home from Prague. The moms at Liber.
2015--Ruby! Followed closely by Jillian!

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year.
2010--Memories have to be made but they are worth the effort.
2012--I don't know. I want to have a lesson about the Mirena but I'm not sure what it should be. I feel like no one was properly informed so I'm not sure what I could have done. Don't waste time; when it's gone, it's gone.
2013-- Be willing to let go of how things "have" to be. Sometimes the thing that makes change the hardest is your own inability to see it will be ok.
2014-- Peace is a beautiful thing. Happiness doesn't always look like you thought it would.
2015--Take charge of your own life. Don't wait for others to fix things.